One of the commonly identified roles of a parent is that of a teacher; raising your little one to play nice, know the alphabet, and a never ending list of other skills, information and customs. This letter from a mother to her young son is a lovely reminder that, as with all relationships, they are not one way. Our children can be a clear (sometimes confronting) reflection of our own strengths and weaknesses. This recognition of ourselves in another can be a powerful experience that not only shapes who we are as parents, but who we are as people.
Some of us bottle up feelings until we feel like a shaken lemonade bottle, ready to explode. At these times we can let off steam but then feel guilty as we have felt we have gone over the top in our blame of the other. It can be useful to notice what we are fearful of when we go to bottle up feelings – perhaps we are worried someone will leave us or see a side of us that we worry they wont like. perhaps reject? However, hiding our true feelings can lead to more explosions and then the reactions we fear, such as someone getting emotionally hurt that is hard to recover from.
Here are some good tips to argue effectively. We think they are useful in staying respectful of yourself and the one you are arguing with.
Of course we at In Dialogue are sold on the power and poetry of words – how putting words to experiences, feelings, thoughts with someone else can be liberating, and of course, at times frustrating and painful. It is in relationship we find the words to be able to express ourselves. Cognitive Analytic Therapy provides a framework for people to choose their own words and be heard. This is an interesting article on the poetry of therapy.
It’s hard to know the right term as “carer” can seem like one is doing all the caring for someone who is not able to give back, but we all take on the caring role of loved ones. These are some good tips if you do feel like you are in this caring role a lot of the time for someone. Read the article from Sane here.
A story about Buddha and the snake on how best to express your anger. Hiss, not bite.